Liv Kristine: The song "Fake A Smile" - (Indeed I have learnt to Fake a Smile)

Living souls around me

They don't see

Just staring, closed faces

Fake a smile

Shaking hands, shake their heads

But they don't speak

Only demanding the right numbers

Of me, breaking into pieces

I'm breaking into pieces

My world is turning too fast
And I can't get off this spin
I'm moving somewhere I don't want
But all I do is fake a smile


It's so cold around me

I hurry to the next stop

I'm waiting, for something

For someone, to steer me back to my life
Steer me back to my life

My world is turning too fast

And I can't get off this spin
I'm moving somewhere I don't want
But all I do is fake a smile

When will I break
When does the ice break
When will I dare to press rewind and start all over

This world is turning too fast
And I can't get off this spin
I'm moving somewhere I don't want
But all I do is fake a smile

This world is turning too faaast...
I'm moving somewheeere...
And fake a smile

LIV KRISTINE

28 states (& the 7 union territories)

July 4, 1989 I was born. And July 4, 2010 the bird flew away from its nest... ;)

Waving to my parents through the glass doors – I heard welcome to Bengal. I had indeed missed the real call - welcome to bharath! It’s December 25, 2010 – almost 6 months since then but every time I look back, the day dramatises more & more. It is not so often that, (I believe) one can describe a day’s events so clearly with scratch down details- I do! - but what makes the day “spooky” is that I had just made that huge leap not knowing I did. (Of course, such a leap is not the first time though =) :D)

And so as Chennai soared to dices; Calcutta arrived in all its green.
(@ this juncture - One useful tip to save regret - never use the toilet @ the Dumdum “international” airport (tat’s wat they actually call it!!!) Either have it relieved earlier or definitely hold on!!)

I enter with smiles, expecting friendly returns – returns I got! Chharo, Ekhane, Bosho, uthe danrao???! I look around in frantic for my safe haven - &once I found it - all I see is lush & green & brilliant food & the disgusting paan spit. ohh pleasse, yess.. i notice THAT even when treated to momos & mughlai parotta !! :(

I start work.
I am there sitting in the 4-storyed building which is full of sophistication.
& oooh! I am excited here, feeling completely professional... whennnn the tables begin to vibrate (turn?). Wondering if it’s an earthquake, I peep out & see; white dhotis, Indian flags & loud vande mataram...*Bengali Bengali Bengali* .. loud vande mataram...*Bengali **
And that is how I was told “Sagotam”!! (which is btw, welcome in bengali! Though I d like to think it is, “welcome dear”; with vampire teeth sticking out!)

Destination 2: tornagallu, Bellary District, Karnataka. A Month and a half of wallowing in the red soil (it is literally so, coz even the air has got the red mud!), “on”madi, “off” madi &.. a lot of such madi”ying”; I arrive next @ Destination 3: Hyderabad! The extremely traffic congested, mind boggling twin cities of Hyderabad & Secunderabad desperately need to do something to keep its & its unfortunate visitors alive!!! (Bangalore for that matter too- I wonder if they ever heard of road sense!?!). BUT soon, aamchi Mumbai arrives! Our very own NY! And by far, the best!

And from the NY I am transported to medieval India – Rourkela, Orissa! Sing away to glory & pray away to your hearts...coz it’s all one can do in this part of the country!! So after having had a month of overdoes in singing & praying – I am @ the green city DEHRADUN, Uttarakhand!

All through this – there’s one thing in the mind - “all Indians are brothers & sisters” was that a joke?! Coz I took it for serious when in school!

What we are actually, is the classic, typical thesaurus of what “neighbours” are!

Ask a marati, and he would tell u this! Bengali is a kaminey, Tamilian is a kamchorre, UP waala is a chaalu b******.
Ask a Bengali & he would tell “NOTHING” can beat being a Bengali. Bengali bangali...bangali bengali!
Ask a UP waala... “yewww..., we are five star ppl, go away thy lower beings!”!
Ask a tamilian – “Ohh! All north Indians are the same *tamil slanders*”!
(somehow, slanders in mother tongue – I tend to avoid :P – it feels more real!!)&& I shall not dare publicise the opinion withheld by/about Punjabis/delhi-ites/haryanis – I am indeed scared!!

Now, I sit down and ponder. What is this? Physical differences, language, culture differences? How & why is character of a group of people determined like that – Would a logical sensible man do that?

I am definitely not preaching here, for I am sure it has been quite explicable that I often exhibit the same prejudice. But, it sure hurts when a “my people” trait is pointed out to me! My argument then is that - it is not EXCLUSIVE to tamilians! Interestingly but, there have been lots of times when I did not think to extend it to the others(‘) (states)

There is exactly one thing I can draw from this– and that is “bigotry”. Stubborn Intolerance.

I remember proudly telling a baffled English Man, 6 Months back, about India & its diverse culture & how much we patronise it. The patronising is a 100%, but am I still proud?
Well, I can’t stop thinking whether, We are diverse because we don’t know to unite?!
This is not a conclusion, for history saves the above accusation quite a lot.

But this is definitely a question that I will seek.

Mirror

I am trying really hard,
and yet it is sailing past..
the Passion that was me...
save it, save it - ohh before it's lost
the years ahead are dark and haunted,
there isnt the choice to proceed alone....

back again - as the madam @ the plant - no bothering with name....

Male chauvinism is a phenomenon much prevalent indeed. Still we have folks who say, ofcourse not! there is no such inequality! I am writing this particularly inspired by the "non-chauvinism" that I foolishly believed does exist to quite an extent. The big lesson I have learnt - 99% times the non-chauvinist will redefine chauvinism with the phrase "the law of nature" - which is point blank nothing but, women are below men and must henceforth logically gear up for a life dedicated to the tending of children. Interesting indeed! Just one loophole before I shut up - why in the world are some wretched women born with passion outside of family welfare??

To talk about myself, Gouthami: 21 years old, female, engineer - not software engineer - chemical engineer, works in a plant - ? the girl must be in finance, HR, must be sitting in the reception, or probably does typing! What other work can a girl do in a plant? Note: resume reads engineer.

And finally after it is accepted that I am engineer after all - "the challenges arrive". According to a gentleman, (an engineer in the strictest sense, thanks to his X-Y genes) - If I am in this "job of a man", it means that I am doing it to prove that men and women are equal, which implies I must do night shifts like the other men - and in the case that I cannot, I must obviously quit the job and sit at home like it just suits me. One problem dear - I am not here to prove anything to you - especially not by doing night shifts among the desperate lot of lorry drivers, fitters and male engineers!

Sigh! So much for a job that requires neither any Einstein"ness" nor any extraordinary (must I say masculine?!) strength! Infact it is nothing more than eating and sleeping and tea-drinking to stay awake those 8 hours of duty. Bah! Should I even be taking all this effort to counter argue? Keep the job to yourselves guys!! i am capable of much better things !